What Do You Do When People Invite Themselves to Events?


Dear Preston:

I just got engaged and I was thrilled by the outpouring of good will but also a little taken aback by some of the messages and responses I received. Mainly, many people are saying things like “I hope I am invited” and “I can’t wait for your wedding” and it makes me feel so awkward because I know they won’t be invited! How do I handle this? I find it kind of rude and now I feel obligated.


Dear Nervous:

Congratulations on your engagement!

I hope you have a beautiful wedding with guests who love and respect you and you want to be there. I understand your feeling awkward (who wouldn’t) and I want to say that, while I do agree it’s jarring, I think it’s more a lack of manners than being intentionally rude. Most people know not to assume they will be invited anywhere, let alone a wedding, but some do not (put them into the category with those who will push to bring a plus one or a child when it clearly says “adults only”). Though they think they are being perfectly normal, even sweet, it can come off very pushy and presumptuous (and cause a bride and groom who are planning a small and intimate wedding to feel very awkward).

Here is what I would say and do in your shoes:” Thank you very much for your well wishes” and then move on. You do not need to address comments like that and anyone who says things like “I hope to be invited” has a good idea they may not be. If someone says,”I cannot wait for your wedding” you could let them know that you’re having an intimate event with close friends and family but really value their friendship and appreciate their support. If you’re looking for a way out, you could point to budget restrictions or venue capacity.

In reality, you do not need to explain yourself and have every right to enjoy this moment while focusing solely on your husband-to-be and your family. I do know some couples who have a nice dinner for uninvited friends after the wedding and that always seems to go well.

What do you think, readers? How would you handle comments like these?