To Have and To Hold


As joyful as a wedding celebration is, it can also be extremely stressful. Not only with the new family, but of course with the bride and groom planning their wedding. I have seen both extremes that can come from this type of stress. I have seen some couples manifest a lot of give and take during wedding planning, and I have also seen others almost call off their wedding because of these frustrating moments.

“To have and to hold”–how does one keep this wonderful balance? Not only as you’re planning your wedding but also for the rest of your life with your spouse?

I recently read David Richo’s The Five Keys to Mindful Loving and I’d like to share with you what he calls the five A’s:

  • Attention. In a moment of real attention, we feel that we are deeply and truly understood in what we say or do and who we are, with nothing left out.
  • Acceptance. In attention you are heard and noticed, and with acceptance you are embraced as worthy.
  • Appreciation. Appreciation gives depth to acceptance: “I admire you; I delight in you, I prize you; I respect you; I acknowledge you and all your potential.”
  • Affection. You are loved the way you are. The need for affection is fulfilled when you are loved unconditionally all the time and genuinely liked most of the time.
  • Allowing. Imagine the joy we feel when someone comes along who welcomes and loves us with all our feelings.

Now tell me, of the five A’s, which do you give the most and which do you need the most? And, how do you help ease your partner’s stress during those tough times? (I know how I do it…wink wink.)