Dear Readers: Do Long Distance Relationships/Marriages Work?


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After answering countless “Dear Preston” questions, I thought I would post a few for you to answer. After all, I appreciate sound advice and smart opinions as much as anyone else.

Today, I want to ask you all this: Have you ever been in a long distance marriage?  In a way, that is what it feels like with my husband and me. I married a very talented singer by the name of Theo Bleckmann.  We have known one another for over 9 years and finally tied the knot two years ago (when it was finally allowed by the law). After being in countless relationships, I finally found someone who I know is my life partner. I am sure many of you know what this feels like. There is this amazing feeling of familiarity that I find to be incredibly comforting. Even though he is 16 years younger than me, there is no question that we “get” each other, even with all of our “stuff” and our insecurities.  The main issue I have is that I have a desire to isolate and love spending time alone. That’s not always great for a marriage.

I never understood relationships where people are constantly screaming and putting one another down (though it seems many folks think this is necessary for closeness).  What I like most about Theo and myself is that we know one another so well that the other always knows when something is “off”. It is in that moment that we encourage the other to sit down and talk about whatever it is.  There have been raised voices at times, but never any put downs.

Anyway, my big issue is that Theo performs all over the world. He’s performed in Vienna, France, Germany, Italy, Asia…you name it. I feel he is constantly on the road performing.  We stay connected by phone and Skype, but it still feels like a long-distance marriage and it takes me a couple of days to get my groove back.

My question is this: In the long run, do you think long distance marriages/relationships work?