I have a planner with an amazing and outgoing personality and we get on very well personally. I would definitely say that she and I are becoming friends, which is great. The thing is, with familiarity comes both comfort and blurred boundaries. While I love that we get on, I have found her now being a little too friendly and casual and it’s making things a bit uncomfortable for me when I need to let her know when I am unhappy with things. She makes “jokes” that make me feel weird now seems to get “offended” when I say no to her or mention anything that she doesn’t agree with. I don’t know what to do and I am starting to be really uncomfortable.
The Friend Zone
Dear Friend Zone:
I love that you have found a planner who understands you, but I know all too well how things can get tricky in situations like this one (and believe me, they happen all of the time). Let’s first see the good in this situation: you have made a new friend and are in the hands of someone you clearly trust. That said, you are her client and you should never be made to feel uncomfortable. I am sorry that has happened. Now, before I go on, I want to say that we are all human and have different personalities and boundaries and situations like these do tend to go both ways: you may both be taking things a little more personally because you like one another and don’t want to offend the other.
Here is what I suggest: Be open and honest with her. The next time she makes a “joke” simply smile and say “That’s not very nice” and let her know then and there that you’re not finding it funny, but in a gentle, but firm way. As for setting things straight with feeling comfortable sharing feedback: tell her how happy you are that you two have hit it off and how much you love her work, support and getting to know her. Let her know that this is new for you and you never want her to take things personal and you worry about it. There’s a good chance she will either recognize her behavior and adjust it or reassure you that she is there to do her job first and then be your friend.
At the end of the day, you are her client and your needs and wants should come first. If she’s pushing back too much, ask her why. If it’s experience-based, consider her position, but if it’s ego, don’t be afraid to say “no” and keep moving ahead. This is your wedding and your vision and desires are what matters most, two things both a planner and a friend would appreciate.
What do you think, planners and brides? Has this ever happened to you?