What Would You Do: My Planner is Mean
July 8, 2013
As a new bride I have been doing my research by looking at a lot of wedding sites and I came across yours last week. I loved your “What Would You Do?” column and thought to ask your advice.
I live in the south and am having a summer wedding. As a whole, weddings tend to be large in my area; I am expecting to host between 500 and 600 guests for my own so I want it to be very special and find ways to make it as intimate as possible.
This would normally be a daunting task, but being that I am the last of three sisters to get married, it’s no surprise that my mother has a good amount of experience planning weddings and has been a great help to me. My problem stems from my planner. She is not only the most sought-after planner in the area, she helped to plan the weddings of both of my sisters. I was excited to work with her, but have found that, along with her experience comes a massive ego. In fact, anytime I disagree with her, she speaks down to me and makes me feel foolish. For example: I love the idea of incorporating a couple of romantic love doves into my wedding. I was taken aback when she refused to do this, claiming it would be in poor taste. I also suggested arriving to the church in a horse-drawn carriage, and she told my mother that if I did that, she would quit!
I feel as though I do not have any say in my own wedding. If you were me, what would you do?
– Unhappy Bride.
Dear Unhappy Bride:
Congratulations on your wedding! Your letter was so upsetting to me that I almost don’t know where to begin.
We have all heard the term”Bridezilla” and it seems to me we have a “Planzilla” on your hands. While she might have plenty of experience planning weddings, she clearly lacks the understanding that a wedding is about the bride and the couple, not the person hired to make their day one of the most special of their lives. That said, there are times when planners may need to gently express disagreement in the hopes of providing something better or accommodating logistics, but to make someone feel small and foolish is so unacceptable that I feel it warrants lettering her go. I will say that I do agree that doves may not be tacky, but they are tricky. I had a couple release them at one of the weddings I designed and one of the guests was left with a little something extra on his suit as a result of one of the doves going to the bathroom above him. I can’t understand her objection to the carriage unless she thinks it is overdone, but again, that’s not her decision to make and her reaction was dramatic and unprofessional. As professionals, we have a responsibility of giving gentle advice and guidance to our brides and always treating our clients with care and respect. There are a lot of great planners out there who will listen to your desires without ever making you feel small. I encourage you to work with them.
I wish you nothing but success with your wedding and new life together.
Dear Readers: What would you do in this brides situation? Should she speak with her planner and give her a second chance or let her go?
(Photo Courtesy of Wedding Style Magazine)