Wedding Shaming: The Worst “Bridal Trend”.
July 3, 2015
I recently had a bride call me in tears after her Mother-In-Law told her, in no uncertain terms, that she disapproved of her “showing off” with her wedding decor. I was floored. This bride had made her own money and was a very successful and generous woman who wanted to give her loved ones a wonderful party while celebrating with the man she loved with all of her heart.
“I don’t understand how she could think that I was being obnoxious,” said the bride through tears. I tried to console her and explain that I did not think she was the obnoxious one. If there is one thing I know to be true it is that we all have thoughts and judgements. No one reading or writing this is a saint. But the reality is this: just because we think it doesn’t make it true, and even it if it is, it doesn’t mean we have a right to blurt out hurtful things and ruin someone’s day–or worse, their wedding day.
The beauty of a wedding is not in the decor or how much one spends, but in the love you are celebrating and the people who are there to celebrate with you. That said, there is nothing wrong with giving yourself the largest or smallest wedding you want to. You are the one who should choose what experience you and your guests should have and to be “shamed” for giving yourself your dream is as bad as being shamed for not doing “enough” in the eyes of guests.
At the end of the call, I reminded my bride to try and consider her mother-in-law’s feelings, but also to allow space for her truth and reality. “You know who you are and those who know you well know who you are. I am sure your mother-in-law does, too,” I said. Perhaps there is more to this story than what her mother-in-law is letting on and taking some time to sit with her will help them come to a clear understanding.
I personally think wedding-shaming should stop across the board. Guests should be supportive of couples, regardless of what they think of their venue, cake, music or food choices.