PB Brides: My Mother-In-Law Hates Everything I Do
December 4, 2015
I am a bride with a serious dilemma. My mother-in-law and I have always had a respectful relationship but ever since I became engaged, nothing I do is right in her eyes. From the chosen venue of my wedding to the way I plan to wear my hair at my rehearsal dinner, she not only makes a comment, but a full-on situation (i.e., she insulted my “trendy taste” when I showed her my desired low ponytail).
I have never wanted to be in one of those cliche’d Monster-In-Law situations so I have refrained from involving my fiance and am doing all I can to bite my tongue, but I am about to burst. What do you suggest I do?
First of all, I want to say I am proud of you. There are some brides who would have said something by now to both their future husband and their MIL. Your decorum and restraint should be commended. That said, just because you’re marrying her son doesn’t mean she can treat you disrespectfully, and you’d be naive to think that this kind of thing will end once the wedding has come and gone.
Now, you could just let her have it, but I would not suggest that (I know, you thought that was a ticket to go for it, sorry). Instead, I encourage you to use your kindness in a way that is as kind to yourself as it is to others. Instead of seeing her as the enemy, try to show a little sympathy and make it your mission to find out what’s really going on with her.
Perhaps she feels left out of the wedding planning and therefore get’s involved in every area she can or maybe she feels slighted in some other way without your knowing. Having as much experience with humans as I have had, it could be that she has some stress in other areas of her life and it’s finding its way to you. Whatever it is, your first step should be to step away from the situation and see it as something separate from yourself and from her, as a person. That will make coming together much, much easier (especially as you mentioned this has just started).
I suggest you ask your future mother-in-law for a day of pampering together and spend the day getting to know her beyond being the mother of your fiancé . Ask her to weigh in on a few things that you don’t mind letting go of the reigns of and share your excitement with her in a new way. Ask her how she felt on her big day or if she has any special advice for the days leading up to the wedding. The point is to make her feel included and show her you care about getting to know her and joining her family while welcoming her into yours. Let the past stay in the past from this point forward and consider this a fresh start. If she still continues to be rude or disrespectful, tell her directly how her behavior is making you feel and that you’d like for it to stop. But something tells me this can be fixed with a little love and TLC.
Most importantly, remember that your wedding day belongs to you and your husband-to-be and please don’t let anyone or thing get in the way of your enjoying it.
Readers: What are your suggestions for this bride?