PB Brides: I Can’t Join This “Mean Girl” Bridal Party. How Do I Tell The Bride?
September 4, 2015
My college friend has asked me to be a part of her bridal party and I would love to be, but the rest of the party is atrocious; mean girl city! I don’t want to hurt my friend’s feelings, but I really cannot imagine spending months with these women and all of the drama they are sure to bring. Any advice?
Not Ready To Party
Dear Not Ready:
First of all, I am sorry you’re feeling this way. No one likes to feel like an outsider. From the likes of your letter, it seems you have already made your decision not to be in the party. If she’s not a close friend and you don’t care to be in it, simply let her know that you are honored and would love to be in it, but cannot, and would love to assist in other ways.
If, in fact, you would like to participate, I think you should. The world is full of people we won’t like and who won’t like us, and the idea that we will get along with everyone who crosses our path is great in theory, but it won’t happen. I fear you are already psyching yourself up for a Real Housewives showdown before the events have even begun and that energy is going to create tension where there might not be any. Our filter has a tremendous impact on how we process things and I wonder how it might be if you chose to see this invitation as an honor and any childish drama for what it is. I would even think of looking into the humor in it. This is your friend, ready, and for her to lose out on having you be a part of your special day because some other women like to indulge in reality tv show antics seems a little unfair to both you and the bride. Maybe her asking you is, in part, to help her keep the calm. Did you ever think of that?
I think approaching the subject with gentle candor may be the key to unlocking the secret to successfully joining the party.A person-to-person meeting or (in the event the two of you cannot meet for lunch or cocktails) Skype session in which you share your enthusiasm and gratitude for being invited and then graciously touch upon the topic of managing different personality types, asking her advice on how to do so, may work well if the two of you are very close and you keep the conversation itself is drama-free. Or you could simply accept the invitation, be thrilled to be a part of her big day and choose what and what not to engage should anyone move from reasonable to reality show. The fact of the matter is that the world is full of all kinds of personalities and it would be a great shame if we all missed out on wonderful events and moments in time just because we don’t necessarily mesh with all of them.
Readers: What would you tell this bridesmaid to do? Would you bow out of a mean girl bridal party?