For Better or For Worse
April 5, 2010
This week, I want to start a new series of blog posts related to the different types of wedding vows. For example, “For better or for worse,” “For richer or poorer,” “Until death do us part,” etc.
In this series, I’d like to post my thoughts about relationships: relationships with my clients, relationships brides have with their grooms, and issues in relationships that may or may not make a strong marriage. We will talk about the intricacies of human emotions and what makes for a good relationship and a challenging one. Let’s see what we can discover together.
A tradition that started in 1981
Before my brides walk down the aisle, I have an old tradition of handing her the bridal bouquet, wishing her well, and quietly standing in the back of each and every wedding ceremony. Very often, I catch myself privately wiping tears from my eyes hoping the rest of the guests don’t see the event designer making a fool of himself.
I find these life commitments to be extremely powerful, especially when they promise each other to be there “for better or for worse.” At 61 years old, I am still learning the joy and difficulties of an intimate relationship. I’m still learning there is never a perfect marriage but a perfectible one, that marriage is never a DONE DEAL but always A WORK IN PROGRESS, and that the joy of marriage is in the discipline of loving and acceptance.
So, how does one deal with INFIDELITY? I have unofficially interviewed couples that have been together for over 20 years and they have openly admitted that at some point they dealt with this issue of infidelity and survived it.
Through talking to them, I noticed that it is far easier to believe what makes us feel better (e.g. that my husband or wife will never cheat), and that most husbands or wives want to think their significant other will be what he or she needs them to be (or, essentially, what they promised to be).
I do know that we hold more love and capacity to forgive than we can ever give, but I must admit that I do not have the answer for this, only to say that as I grow older I have became a bit more tolerant on this issue.
What is your opinion? Would you honor your vows of “for better or for worse” and stay in a marriage if your husband or wife cheated?