Dear Preston: Engaged To A Man, But Married To My Job

Ileana M. Then

Dear Preston:

I am writing you with a bit of a concern. Two years ago, I left a lucrative finance position to start my own planning business. It has been a rough and exciting (and totally rewarding) ride, to say the least. Though I am not making the kind of money I left behind just yet, I am so excited to be following my passion and really dedicated to growing my business. As you know, new business owners often work 24-7, to speak, and though I am not a workaholic in any capacity, my time and attention are needed beyond working hours.  The issue is this; I have met an incredible man who has asked me to be his wife. He’s incredibly supportive and the love of my life, but recently he mentioned that he was concerned about the “obsession” I have with building this business.  He retracted the word, but I am obviously worried.  Can you offer me any advice on how I should address this? It’s really concerning me.

Engaged To A Man, But Married To My Job


Dear Engaged:

I address you as the first part because that is what you are; a smart and sophisticated, hard working and passionate woman who has followed her dreams and engaged to what seems to be her dream man.  How wonderful for you!

It took a lot of courage for you to choose to follow your heart at the expense of what I assume was a comfortable position (at least financially), and yes, building a business takes time.  I think the most important component in any relationship (personal or professional) is communication and trust. I always say not to surprise clients and we certainly don’t want to surprise our partners with fine print or things they did not sign up or prepare for (though that will happen in life).  My suggestion is that you make reservations at your favorite intimate bistro and sit down and talk with your fiance about his fears, his concerns and his definition of the word “obsession”.  Engaged, do this without judgement as this is an information exchange and you’re both on the same team.  If possible, have him “shadow” you through a day so he can understand what you do (and maybe even help) and see if you can come up with some compromises.

Perhaps, barring serious emergencies, you’ll agree to close down the computer an hour earlier and spend that time together or you’ll dedicate one night a week to just the two of you (which can, of course, rotate on the day being that your job requires flexibility).  The key here is compromise and commit. Give 100% to your business while at work and 100% to your partner when with him. As you want him to support you, he wants you to support him, in this case, emotionally.

Engaged, it really says a lot about you that you have done this and a lot about him that you would write how supportive and incredible he is. You have the tenacity and dedication to start over and follow your dreams, I have no doubt that you have what it takes to follow your heart and still give it fully to the man you love.



Readers, have you ever felt pressure to “choose”? Share your stories/advice below.

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