Do You Judge Mothers Who Choose To Work or Those Who Stay Home?
May 16, 2013
It’s imperative that I start this blog by saying that I am not in any way looking to offend anyone. Whether working in a career or doing your “work” at home, the role of mother is one of great honor, if unbelievably challenging.
Being a working mother, I can sympathize with those who wonder if we’ve made the right decision in choosing to pursue a career they love (and I truly empathize with those who must work in jobs they may not love just to keep food on the table). Though it is sometimes a struggle to find a balance, speaking truthfully, my career, just like my children, is just another part of me.
If I were to make a personal assessment of these two incredible human beings, they would be:
Working mom: A woman in constant motion. One who divides her time between her many loves and aspirations. She who unapologetically believes she can have it all and is endlessly evaluating her options to provide unconditional love to her family while making her dreams come true. I’m obviously in this category and I love it!
Stay-at-Home mom: A woman who exhibits a natural ability to nurture. She has chosen to selflessly care for her family in every sense of the word and constantly finds ways to improve the manner in which her children and her family see the world. The amount of respect that I have for mothers who have chosen this route is incalculable. My hat is off to you.
Today I am going to address something that’s been on my heart for a bit. I would like so much for us stop pointing fingers at one another and to start supporting our individual choices. Our children, family, and our feelings will be better off. It’s easy to disrespect one another’s decisions. At times we’ve been guilty of passing judgement, and I think this is partially because neither party gives the other the credit deserved. This is unfortunate to me.
For those who are wondering why I am writing about this topic on my blog, let me explain. It’s been one of those fabulous wedding seasons where I’ve had to juggle meetings, little league games, clients, bed time stories, being a good wife and partner to husband, and well, just life. As of late, my travel schedule has been a bit hectic, but I remain determined to make it all work. Last week, after several client and staff meetings, avoiding taking a minute to relax or eat, I rushed out of my office, caught the train, and showed up to my son’s baseball game at the tail-end (out of breath and with a guilty conscience).
One of the team moms greeted me by saying, “The game is almost over” with a quizzical expression on her face that clearly meant why did you even bother. For a split second the comment made me feel horrible, but I immediately bounced-back and asked what the score was. “Honestly, I don’t know,” she replied. I was instantly vindicated. We all have reason to judge, but why should we?
I think we both learned from her indiscretion. You see, the fact that she had been there for the entire game really didn’t matter because she wasn’t truly in the moment. On the other hand, my son came up for his last at bat and I cheered and gave him the infamous you got this nod with no words attached. Those few seconds meant the world to both of us.
Stay-at-home moms and working mothers alike make unbelievable sacrifices in order to fulfill our roles and responsibilities. My hope is that we will always be mothers first, but the truth is that our decisions stem from our upbringing, culture, financial status, preferences… The list goes on and on. The one common thread is that we believe these decisions will provide a better life for all. Embrace what works for you with all your heart always and don’t allow doubt to rob you from your ability to be genuinely happy.
Have you ever felt judged unfairly by your peers or others? Do you find yourself judging others? Please share your thoughts.
With a Happy Heart,
Kathy Romero is the Director of Event Planning for Preston Bailey Designs. She shares her thoughts and advice on Preston’s Blog every Thursday.
(Photo courtesy of Gina Zeidler photography)