Dear Preston: Wedding Planning Is Ruining Our Relationship
May 24, 2016
I am in a weird position. I am a very passionate and creative person who hates planning whereas my fiance is very strategic and likes to follow things step-by-step. Normally, this works well, but when it comes to planning our wedding, it’s causing a lot of issues. My fiance is becoming very stressed by my approach and critical of me. I think he’s too uptight and rigid about things that don’t need to be planned so far in advance.
What do I do?
First of all, I understand you. Artists are known for having a million things going at once, for being intuitive and for following their heart in the moment. As much as we appreciate facts, we are moved by feelings and tend to move only when we feel it is right. Then, there are people like your fiance who find safety in facts and process. As a business owner, I have to be understanding both sides as I have clients on both sides of the fence as well as employees and partners.
Here’s what I have learned: No way is the “right” way, but both sides can feel misunderstood when they are pushed to do things the other way. I feel there are pros and cons to both sides which is why I force everyone, including myself, to go outside of their comfort zones and try to accommodate both approaches in a way that doesn’t negatively impact the bottom line. In your case, I suggest you not get mired in the moment-to-moment details, but instead sit down weekly and create “task lists” that each of you will be responsible for. Then, agree on deadlines for each task and trust the other person to do what they say they will do in the way that works for them. There is beauty and value in both approaches, and just as you have found that it works in your love life and life in general, it will work here. The key is not to change your approach, but the way you approach each other.
- What are the wedding planning tasks that work well with each approach?
- What is your best advice for this couple?