DEAR PRESTON: HELP! MY HUSBAND DOESN’T WANT ME TO BECOME A WEDDING PLANNER
August 16, 2011
My husband and I met at church, and it was love at first sight. My husband is kind and thoughtful and right from the start I knew he was the one. We got engaged a month after meeting and were married six months after that. Those early months were the happiest in my life. And then, while planning our wedding, I fell in love with weddings. Not only had I found my prince but I’d also finally found my professional passion.
But when I told my husband I wanted to become a wedding planner, he told me I should stop dreaming. He reminded me that I already have a real job. We’ve been married almost a year now, and I still feel resentful. Secretly, I’ve been doing a lot of research on wedding planners, and I’m more sure than ever that planning is my calling. But I want my husband’s support, too. And I don’t know if I can stay married to a man who doesn’t support my dreams. What should I do?
Dear Unhappy Wife,
I can understand your hurt, and I think your husband acted like an insensitive fool. But I wonder if when you were on cloud nine, marrying a man you had just met, if you really understood that vow you took to stay together “for better or for worse.” You were making a commitment to a man you hardly knew, and now you’re surprised by some of his behavior? What else did you expect? It sounds to me like this is the first big disagreement you and your husband have had. I strongly suggest that you seek couple’s counseling.
Do not get me wrong: I am not suggesting that you give up your dream. But I think you can save your dream and your marriage. I am also not making excuses for your husband, but maybe he doesn’t understand how exciting and invigorating planning can be. Or, maybe he is one of those men who simply don’t like change. It sounds like you don’t really know his reasons, either. But you need to find out. Instead of going behind your husband’s back and secretly learning about wedding planning, you need to communicate with him.
Dear Readers, what would you tell “Unhappy Wife”? Are you one of the many lucky ones who have the full support of your spouse? I hope so.